quierooooo

i haven't made a birthday wish list in about 15 years (used to cut out coupons from the toys r us sunday paper insert and compile them for my mother)... additionally, i don't expect anyone to read this and/or consider buying me anything on this list.

BUT

it's saturday and i've got beaver fever, so what else is a girl to do between visits to the bathroom?

nothing says "kill me" like a trip to banco popular

i have to pick up some toilet paper and then run by the bank. fuuuuuuuuck.

as i sit on the porch and avoid a trip to the nacional for a few groceries and a little currency exchange, i am suddenly wholly aware that i absolutely HATE these daily errands. it's not because the dull nature of the task is just so delicious to avoid... no, i dread these trips to the bank/grocery store/electric company/mobile phone kiosk out of sheer terror.

normally, paying a phone bill is something that, as tedious as it may be, i can do on autopilot. in school, i was always on my toes, either tricking my students into learning or keeping up with the bullshit that makes a graduate education degree. so, when it was time to swing by tcf to deposit a check on my way home from work, my brain would turn off and habit would take over. the bank was never very fun, and quite often a nuisance, but it was easy.

i know i spoke no spanish before i got here, high school german be damned... but shouldn't i at least be granted the peace of mind of knowing exactly what to do and say when i have to run a simple errand? i payed like 800 pesos for overstaying my tourist visa, leonel couldn't at least throw a pamphlet of helpful phrases my way?

shit, my only safe haven is the grocery store, and this fatgirl had to work (and eat) her ass off (on) to master the checkout line.

it's logical to deduce, then, that for someone whose dignity was founded on the presumption of always knowing how to do shit my peers haven't yet mastered (doin loads of laundry at 12, kids), being less competent than a dominican 8 year old is a big blow to the ego. so, today i save face by not knowing why my atm card didn't go through at dinner last night and stealing borrowing some t.p. from my roommates. one of these days, though, someone's gonna steal my pin number and take all my money and the toilet-paper-gravy-train's gonna run dry (drip dry)... maybe it's time i learned to see the long-term embarrassment as incentive to grin and bear it through the short term.

i'm too tired to learn it all over again
damn it

running es perjudical para la salud

i went for a run tonight, at night. it was exhilarating. it was unexpected. it was 11 minutes long.

i smoke way too much to be a runner, but i think i'll try my hand at it... no commitments (always fail when it comes to these), no resolutions (excel at breaking these), but an honest effort towards movement. i ran like i'd never run before... this is not to say i ran my ass off; instead, i mixed it up, walked, jogged, sprinted, even ran like i was being chased for a few seconds there.

"if we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed"

i keep this fortune next to my bed... it's wedged in a picture frame along with two postcards to places i've never been. i noticed it a few days ago for the first time since i put it there.

and while greek yogurt might be impossible to find in this land i sometimes accidentally call "home" (dying to make this baileys, banana, and chocolate frozen yogurt), i made tortillas tonight and the tacos were delicious. shit, next time, they'll be even better...

as i run, i'll cook
as i cook, i'll experiment with tacos (et al)
as i experiment with tacos, i'll... well, i'll figure that out in time.